The Moses Baby
Cast (in sample)- Stevie Long, late 30's
- Lynley Long, mid 30's
ACT ONE: Pester, Chester, and Molester
STEVIE and his adoptive sister, LYNLEY, are in LYNLEY's apartment. They are at a table, papers are strewn about table.
| STEVIE | Didja ever wonder...? |
| LYNLEY | What? |
| STEVIE | Ever wonder -- no, forget it. |
| LYNLEY | Forget what? Wonder what? |
| STEVIE | No. It's just... |
| LYNLEY | What? |
| STEVIE | If you were in my position, if you could just put yourself in my position... |
| LYNLEY | If I was ...adopted? |
| STEVIE | You knew. |
| LYNLEY | I've always known. |
| STEVIE | What I was going to say. |
| LYNLEY | That's the position you mean. |
| STEVIE | No, you wouldn't have a problem. With this party. With anything that has to do with this family. That's the thing about you. You wouldn't have any problem at all. 'Cause you're better at - what's the word I'm thinking of... |
| LYNLEY | Another word? |
| STEVIE | It's like.. condom. |
| LYNLEY | The word means condom? |
| STEVIE | Like condom. |
| LYNLEY | You're thinking about condoms? |
| STEVIE | No. |
| LYNLEY | You're married. |
| STEVIE | Elastic... |
| LYNLEY | Elastic's the word? |
| STEVIE | It's like elastic, but elastic's not the word... |
| LYNLEY | Maybe you have to be elastic to get the word you want to get... |
| STEVIE | I'm losing my train of thought. You always do this and then I lose my train of thought. |
| LYNLEY | The thing I'm better at, it's like being elastic, you said--tell me, I want to know. I crave you know bits and pieces and kernels of information about myself. |
| STEVIE | If you were adopted, you'd do better 'cause you can be elastic better. That's not the word I want. You: adapt better. That's the word. You adapt! |
| LYNLEY | I'd adapt better to being adopted. |
| STEVIE | Yes. Yes. |
| LYNLEY | That's what you're saying. |
| STEVIE | Yes. |
| LYNLEY | I'm adopted-adaptable. |
| STEVIE | You're what? |
| LYNLEY | Like physically-challenged, gender-sensitive. |
| STEVIE | How's it like that? |
| LYNLEY | It's a term. It's a term like that, like computer-friendly. I'm adopted-adaptable. |
| STEVIE | Let me ask you something: why, if I'm the creative one in the family -- if I'm supposed to be the creative one in the family -- the writer -- the writer in the family -- |
| LYNLEY | You're a wonderful writer, Stevie. |
| STEVIE | I don't think so. |
| LYNLEY | You don't think so, or you don't think I think so? |
| STEVIE | You're always trying to top me. Even when we're just talking. You're always trying to come up with words. To do words better. I'm supposed to be the writer. Why can't you let me come up with the words? You do this with...? |
| LYNLEY | With what? |
| STEVIE | Change the subject. I don't want details. |
| LYNLEY | Details of what? |
| STEVIE | You do this with the men you're with? |
| LYNLEY | Stevie. |
| STEVIE | You tell them, I think you're the best in bed and then climb up on top and take total control? |
| LYNLEY | Stevie! |
| STEVIE | You always have to be on top. Well, no wonder you're not married, you have no prospects, no future, you make 70,000 dollars a year but you're goddamn miserable, you're smoking yourself to death... |
| LYNLEY | This is good. This is information. |
| STEVIE | Why do you do this? |
| LYNLEY | Because I'm the sister, Stevie. You're the writer. I'm the sister. I have to do this. |
| STEVIE | But I'm also the brother. |
| LYNLEY | You don't handle yourself like the brother. |
| STEVIE | How do I handle myself? |
| LYNLEY | Like someone who's not the brother. Someone who's not in the family, who wants to join another one. Be a part of another one. |
| STEVIE | I am part of another one. |
| LYNLEY | No, you're not. |
| STEVIE | I'm adopted. |
| LYNLEY | Stevie, families are - they're elastic, to use your word. They take people in. And what the hell are you doing thinking about condoms, being married?You're married, Stevie, and you're thinking about condoms? Is that why you've brought up this whole thing? |
| STEVIE | What thing? The adoption thing? |
| LYNLEY | Does Kathryn know? Does she know you think about condoms? |
| STEVIE | What would you say if we were using them? What would you say if we were using condoms, and that's why I'm thinking about them? |
| LYNLEY | I thought you and Katie... |
| STEVIE | You thought... |
| LYNLEY | I thought you and Kathryn were you know trying you know.... |
| STEVIE | Why is this so hard for you to say - why is it so hard for you to say baby? Baby. B a b y - what's so hard about saying that? |
| LYNLEY | Because maybe I'm a million fucking miles away from it, Stevie, maybe that's why. |
| STEVIE | And why is that? |
| LYNLEY | Don't ask me this. Don't put me through this. |
| STEVIE | You want me to tell you? |
| LYNLEY | I'd rather you not. |
| STEVIE | These are fraternal rights, Lyn. I wrote an article about this for Womens' Wear Daily. As a male sibling, I can tell you almost secrets about how you're coming off out there to other males. It's inside information. It's almost illegal - like insider trading. You wanna know how you come off? |
| LYNLEY | How I come off? |
| STEVIE | To other people. To other males. You wanna know why you're as you put it 93 million miles away from having a baby? |
| LYNLEY | And what is 93 million miles? |
| STEVIE | The distance from the sun. To the earth. And it fits. 'Cause sometimes Lyn -- you just seem a little shall we say a little too cold. Cold to the opposite sex, maybe. This could make you seem less attractive to warm-blooded, heat-seeking males. You need to be a little warmer. Like the sun. You need to warm up as little. |
| LYNLEY | Do I? |
| STEVIE | That's my advice. As a brother. Loosen up. Warm up. Come forward a little. |
| LYNLEY | Is that what you're going to do? |
| STEVIE | When? With whom? |
| LYNLEY | You're going back. Aren't you? That's why we're here. |
| STEVIE | We are here to address the invit... |
| LYNLEY | We are so you can tell me you're going back. |
| STEVIE | Forward or back? |
| LYNLEY | Reeling yourself back out. Plunging under. Going back to them. |
| STEVIE | You mean the other them. |
| LYNLEY | Yes. The other ones. You know I've never been good with this. |
| STEVIE | You mean with my birth-family. The Roths. The originals. |
| LYNLEY | What are they, a band? |
| STEVIE | I'm not going anywhere, Lyn. |
| LYNLEY | You've already met them. |
| STEVIE | That was a long time ago. I want to do it again. Now. As an adult. I met them once before, but it wasn't even my bar-mitzvah yet. |
| LYNLEY | You're what? |
| STEVIE | See you don't know about that. |
| LYNLEY | Tell me. |
| STEVIE | My bar-mitzvah. |
| LYNLEY | I know what a bar-mitzvah is, Stevie. I once dated a guy: paid for his sophomore year at Brown. |
| STEVIE | My point is I made it a point to know, to find out. |
| LYNLEY | Why? |
| STEVIE | Because I'm Jewish, Lyn. That's my family. |
| LYNLEY | Christ. |
| STEVIE | He was Jewish too. |
| LYNLEY | Leave me alone... That's pathetic... |
| STEVIE | All these Jews running around, right under your nose, you don't even know it. |
| LYNLEY | Stevie, this is your family, our family. Right under your nose. And Stevie, everyone knows Christ was Jewish. |
| STEVIE | Take for example the last supper. |
| LYNLEY | (Joke) Last night? |
| STEVIE | No, the last supper for Christ. Easter. The resurrection. |
| LYNLEY | (Joke) Oh, His last supper... |
| STEVIE | Do you know that's also Passover? The same supper. Christ was leading a seder. Like my Uncle Isaac. |
| LYNLEY | You have an Uncle Isaac? |
| STEVIE | All these years I've been involved in this time of tremendous religious... (Can't think of the word.) |
| LYNLEY | Sig... |
| STEVIE | Significance. |
| LYNLEY | That's your word. |
| STEVIE | All these years I've been on the wrong side of the fence. I had the time right. The place. Even some of the players. But I'm Jewish, and I've been raised in a Christian family. Like Moses. That's what happened to Moses. I'm a Moses baby. |
| LYNLEY | Do you care? I mean really, Stevie: do you really care what kind of baby you were? |
| STEVIE | I want to meet them. |
| LYNLEY | Your family. |
| STEVIE | I know there's a sister. There may be more. |
End of sample from The Moses Baby
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